Just some words.

I want to love my sister, I want to love this guy who’s been resisting my love, but I can’t. There is no access. And I need to let them go, whoever and whatever they are, I can’t live waiting for others to love me and approve of me, I am just a person. A tiny molecular entity of sorts that functions within its own vibrational range of capacity, I’m not a god, I can’t change others, I can’t make them love me or treat me well. I’m so sad about this, because is always thought I was close to them, I felt a kinship in my heart for these people, my life feels like a game without them, I’m counting scores, trying to impress and gather all that I need to win, or do x,y,z so they can look at me in the future and regret their carelessness towards me, but my life isn’t a game show to impress others with and I know I’m reiterating what’s already been said, but I feel so empty and so mindless. My life has no logic, because I don’t set boundaries with people, I can chase and chase and get very hurt but not know I’m wounded because it’s not visible, but I live in this rat race maze, where really there is no reward, and I think most healthy and wise people take a look at their condition and make adjustments they don’t just accept things as is. But I have to think for myself, I do feel that all hope is not lost with these people, I feel such an unending love for them both but I also feel it’s time for me to spread my wings and fly! I want their approval first but I need to see that in order to get anywhere I need to sit down and work I can’t keep running from place to place hoping someone will be pleased with my acts, time is of the essence, and my internal self speaks to me telling me what must be done, if I ignore myself I end up miserable because the world was not designed for me, the people here are not here to serve me and my needs, if they are not interested in playing along with me I need to respect my own internal message and do what I need in my life, make my life the center piece, it’s so hard for me to give up on people. I’m scared to be left all alone but I am alone, we all are, I need to start taking that seriously. If no one will do it then I have to, I have to be optimistic about the direction of my life even if this world seems to be all connected and in the moment, I need to see that I’m just a piece of the clock and if I don’t do my job, the clock won’t work. And no one else will come to save me from that, definitely not the people I’ve been pouring all my energy into who are NEVER there.